Attention is everything

Words are cheap sometimes.

Picture it:

You’re having a conversation with someone who is full of interesting insights about a situation you’re navigating. You notice that while you’re doing the talking, they’re glancing around the room, checking their phone, or looking for moments to interject.

This doesn’t feel good, no matter how “right” their words are.

Compare this scenario with its opposite, where your conversation partner doesn’t say much but they’re giving you their undivided attention. Maintaining eye contact, keeping their phone out of sight, allowing silence to ensure you’ve completed your thought.

Which feels better?

I’m guessing you’d choose the attentive scenario every time. Me too.

Although it’s clear what we want when being listened to, many of us feel inadequate as listeners in conversations that involve challenging circumstances or strong emotions.

We feel pressure to say the right thing. We think it’s our job to solve the situation or provide answers. We forget we possess a secret conversational weapon: our full attention.

The secret to this secret is less you, more them. The more you focus on the person in front of you, and the less you focus on the words coming out of your mouth, the more supportive and generative the conversation will be.

There’s no shortage of challenging circumstances and strong emotions in the world right now. I’m hearing clients express feelings of helplessness and confusion about how to make an impact.

There’s of course a place for protests, policies, and posts. But presence can’t be underestimated in moments when things feel messy, scary, and uncertain.

Are you willing to consider that your attention may be the biggest contribution you can make?