The conversation you’re avoiding

On New Years Eve, a client left me a voice message.

The night before, she had a conversation with her partner that she had been avoiding. Not because there was anything huge to reveal, more because they’d fallen into such a well-worn pattern of communication that she felt pessimistic about the likelihood of a good outcome.

Prior to her conversation, we talked about how she could focus less on the content of what needed to be discussed—the what of it all—and more on the context—how she was being inside the exchange with her partner.

Instead of gaming it out and trying to solve the situation before it’s unfolded, can you just be present with the person in front of you?

Less telling, more listening.
Less judgement, more curiosity.
Less defending, more allowing.

Despite her reservations, my client said she was willing to try.

The new approach was transformational. The original topic of conversation was solved quickly and simply. It turned into a broader, deeper discussion about how they relate to each other and what’s important to them inside the relationship.

I was inspired by my client’s willingness to have this conversation. It’s vulnerable to share what you really think and feel. It’s uncomfortable not knowing how the other person will respond or what the consequences will be on the other side.

This biases us toward avoidance. As long as you don’t talk about it, at least things stay status quo—and even if you don’t like the status quo, you know how to manage it.

But here’s the thing: Not having the conversation is quietly reshaping your relationship anyway.

Avoidance is not a neutral stance. It’s an active decision. Things unspoken leak out as resentment, distance, fatigue, and self-betrayal.

If not talking about it is affecting you in unhelpful ways, why not have some say in the matter?

On the other side of conversation is a reordering of things. There’s movement, which gives you something new to work with opposed to staying stuck in the same dynamics and thought loops.

If there’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding, ask yourself: What is my silence costing me? Energy, freedom, intimacy, self-respect?

Fear is not a sign to wait. It’s a sign the conversation matters.