Homeownership is a wake-up call

There’s that Ram Dass quote: “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”

I have a new one:

If you think you’re enlightened, go buy a house.

That’s what I did earlier this year. Not because I thought I was enlightened but because, after renting apartments in cities for 26 years, I wanted to try living a different way.

And, you know. I may not be enlightened but it is my job to coach people on navigating transitions and running new experiments in their lives. How hard could it be?

Hm.

When I decided to buy a 66-year-old house in the country, I had no idea it would lead to such an opportunity to notice my blindspots and expand into a more conscious version of myself.

This is a perspective I can access now, many months and many coaching sessions into the process of buying and renovating my first house. Most days, I didn’t relate to the experience as an opportunity.

I felt like I was hemorrhaging my life savings. I felt displaced and disorganized from carting suitcases and Bankers Boxes between temporary housing situations. I felt out of control knowing so little about something I was pouring so much time and money into.

My vibe was stressed, uncomfortable, afraid, annoyed, angry, untethered, confused, embarrassed, ashamed, unsettled, overwhelmed, guilty, messy, lonely, inadequate, scattered, and ungrounded.

Something started to shift when my coach pointed out how judgmental I sounded when I talked about these feelings I was having.

My suffering wasn’t actually coming from the feelings. It was coming from resisting the reality of my experience. The more I judged myself or tried to avoid my emotions, the more trapped I was in the state I wanted to escape.

As soon as I started allowing myself to have whatever feelings came up—without making myself bad or wrong for having them—emotions passed through and everything around my house lightened up.

Every delayed project. Every new expense. Every damaged delivery. I started seeing them as opportunities for learning. Stories I’d be able to retell later. Obstacles to overcome in the game of Home Renovation.

Now, I still have my moments. My house isn’t done yet. I’m still living out of suitcases and fumbling my way through contractor interactions.

Enlightenment will have to wait.

In the meantime, I’m expanding my capacity for accepting my feelings and handling unfamiliar circumstances with neutrality.

Where in your life do the challenges feel bigger than your ability to handle them?

First things first: Welcome your experience, whatever it is—judgment and avoidance keep you stuck. From a place of acceptance, here are some questions I’ve found helpful when I feel confronted:

What can I learn from this?
What’s needed now?

The first reminds me that nothing is happening to me—it’s all there for me. The second keeps my project moving forward.

Many days, that’s enough.

Hudson Valley, NY
May 2026